About
*Last Updated September 2006*
I had a rather normal childhood. I was a very shy little girl who hopped around in pigtails from the time my hair was long enough until I was about 6. I had my first boyfriend when I was 3. His name was Ross. He was the most handsome boy in the church’s preschool program. We actually managed to stay hooked to each other’s side until about 6th grade. I loved his red coat, but most of all I loved how he had the words “Mess with Emily and die” carved on the inside of his tree house.
I was a girly girl growing up, yet in addition to playing dress up, I loved climbing trees, running through the woods, and riding my bike everywhere, I did most all of these boy-like activities while wearing little dresses. I love dresses.
I was also an ice skater since the time I was about 8. I competed until I was 17. I was mainly involved in precision skating. My team took gold at both nations and worlds in 96’. While everyone made such a big deal about it, we were too young to really care. It was just fun to us. And the more involved the coaches got with us, the less fun in became. We all quit.
As a child, I never really had an allowance. I wasn’t big on actually doing choirs. Maybe that’s why.. But anyways I had to come up with ways to cultivate my own money so I used to make and sell things like newspapers, flags, and I even used to stage little plays for my family.
I grew out of that stage, but not out of the performing stage. My best friend and I used to make up little dance routines to pop songs. We would video tape ourselves, and watch it over and over. We thought we were just the coolest thing. We never let anyone see those tapes. They were our inside secret.
I’m an introvert who has brilliant extrovert skills. People who know me have a hard time believing I’m shy, but I really am. I am a very social person, but I claim up around those I don’t know. Sometimes I rather just be alone, work on art, or read… but I always want to have that person there that I can call and relay my thoughts and theories to.
I only really cared about three things growing up: friends, inspiration, and summer. As I got older, boys entered that equation as well. I never had luck with boys. They only provided to be short and painful relationships. I never fell in love easily, but I did crush terribly. It’s more exciting I guess, and it’s far safer. I once crushed on a guy for an entire year by just seeing him at a local restaurant every Friday night. I didn’t want to meet him, just look at him, think about him and what he was like, what he did, and what made him happy. I just wanted to crush. When I did meet him a year later the whole thing was ruined. He wasn’t at all like I had made him out to be.
I’ve dated a fair amount of guys I suppose, and honestly, at 23, I’m not entirely sure I’ve ever really been in love before. I dated one boy for just over 5 years, even lived with him for a short period. But he never saw me, even when I was standing right infront of him. I did love him, but there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with them. Perhaps, the problem was we were just two kids who were young and stupid and thought they knew everything, perhaps it wasn’t real, but for a relatively ephemeral era, it seemed real to me. There are few people in this world that ever really experience anything greater than lust or infatuation. People get so wrapped up in the world of physical intimacy and personal satisfaction that they end up totally bypassing the chance to have something more with a greater meaning than just that pleasurable night when all in ambitions were lost to the wind. I thought I had something more, but in the end, he ended up being just like the other typical boys I swore I’d never date again.
I’ve had great moments of success in my life to be only 23. I’ve worked for Warner Brothers, been interviewed by People Magazine, USA Today, Zap2it.Com, and countless other smaller publications. My websites have been featured in several books and on television. I’ve worked with producers in putting together specials that have aired on FOX. I’ve attended movie premieres, partied with celebrities in Los Angeles, worked with top fashion designers, and developed personal contacts with multiple musicians. I graduated college with a 4.0 gpa and was named “Best in Show” out of my class. All of this has been incredible, but the best thing that has ever happened to me was being named valedictorian of my high school class. I freaked out and started crying. You would have thought that I had won the lottery or something. But it was something even greater to me. It was the completion of a childhood dream. And when I stood up on that stage and read my speech to over 2,500 people, it was the proudest moment of my life.
Good vacation spots are hard to come by, regardless of what the Travel channel tries to tell you. For me, there was just one place where I could truly relax and become one with the world again. That place was the Cape. It was a magical place. A destination that truly didn’t and doesn’t belong in this world. People get so caught up in that everyday routine: get up, go to work (or school), come home, watch TV, go to bed, and get up the next morning and start it all over again. The Cape takes you away from reality and throws you into a dream world. There’s no one around, you can see the milky way at night, the sunsets are breath taking, the sand is pure white, the oceans crystal clear, and you can smell the salt in the air… it pierces your skin and your lungs. No amount of description though can adequately convey to you the mystical presence of this place. It’s beyond words. I could run naked on the beach in the rain and not have to risk anyone seeing me. It’s one of the few places where I’ve been able to truly feel alive.
In the end, I’m just the girl who slams her finger in the door (due to her constant luck with self-injury) and laughs it off, the girl who has read the same book 6 times because she finds it completely inspiring, and the girl who doesn’t feel whole without her journal and her sketchbook. Art is life to me, life is, after all, a giant canvas for our experiences, our trials and tribulations… all of it is the painting that ultimately is the mark we leave when we leave.
