Bohemian Musings

One more day of it and then I am free till August. My last summer. It’s crazy, but it will the best summer ever. I have been in school solid for two years. I need a quarter off after going for so long. I shall be extremely busy with the pool, the beach, my ipod with the Tori Amos playlist, my website, friends, and those little drinks with the umbrella in them. :) 8 and half weeks…. Freedom.

Noah and I leave to go down to St. Simons a week from Saturday, finally a trip that is a vacation. A trip where I can sit back and just rest and spend all day laying on the beach listening to music and watching the waves. I haven’t one of these trips in a good two years. Last year with Los Angeles, San Diego, Las Vegas, and the Grand Canyon, then a month later with the Roswell, NM trip, then a couple of months later going up to Tennessee Then last month with the whole Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, and Virginia trip. I’ve just been on the run every time I’ve left home.

We’ve rented this little house that’s across the dunes from the beach, I remember last time I was at the beach with Noah, we would go out at night and lay on the beach chairs in front of the condos in Perdido beach, and we would just chill and look off in to the black abyss and just talk. The beach wasn’t lit at all, for some reason the little condos turned off their lights facing the ocean, you couldn’t even see the ocean, it was just all black. We would lay out there for hours though just talking about things; we had the most amazing conversations that night. There’s something about those types of conversations… when you put them outside on a cloudless night, with the sound of the ocean, and the salty breeze…. It ends up being one of those moments that you don’t ever forget.

The last time I was in St. Simons was actually the time Noah asked me out 4 years ago. So it’s kinda cool going this close to our anniversary. I know I am not going to want to come back home, being away from everything at the beach with the boyfriend and the best friend. But when Jenny moves next summer it will be like that all the time, right Jenny? lol :)

Well I was going to go for a swim before lunch and Roxy is barking at my plants again so I best be going. :)

So I decided to start one of these online journal things. If I keep this updated I shall be proud. :) I just feel the need to put my thoughts and opinions out there, not sure why. But I do.

Usually after I do something or see something out of the ordinary, I have this need to write about things. The film festival started this weekend, and Noah and I went over to Landmark last night to check out this movie “Lonesome Jim” which was directed by Steve Buscemi. It was depressing yet hopeful. It was real, which is more than I can say for most movies that I see that come out in wide release. That’s what’s so great about the film festival; you get the chance to see all these amazing indie films that are just real…. they don’t follow the typical movie stereotypes. I like depressing movies… I don’t know why, I much rather smile and laugh than be sad and cry. But it takes a lot more from a movie to get you to be sad and cry… it takes substance.

The movie got me thinking how innocent people get blamed for things that aren’t their fault at all, how people use other people… take them for granted and hurt them. Reminded me a lot of high school. I have bad luck. That’s been a given for a really long time. Those people that know me… really know me, know that I went through far too much in high school. It was enough pain to last a person a lifetime. All of that still haunts me even though I have been gone for years. 9th grade. Amazing how something that sounds so simple can be so damn dramatic. I was such a guarded person since all of that.

Why do other kids find the need to be so mean and so cruel? Why must high school be about fitting in and being accepted? Why do people really want that? To be one of the masses… what sounds appealing about being ordinary? I didn’t want to fit in with those people. I tried to stay as far away from them as I could. Schools aren’t supposed to be like that… filled with drugs and violence. Filled with people like the football player that beat up the little nerd girl because she wouldn’t give into his completely disrespectful and demeaning demands. Filled with people that wouldn’t admit that the quarterback did that to the girl because it would cause him to be suspended and then we might not have a chance at state. High school is shallow. I’ve moved past all of that, but I haven’t forgotten it. It still hurts me.

High school was so long ago though. I’ll be 22 in October. Not that amazing? Not that my age should amaze you. Just the fact of how we all grow up so quickly. One day, we are little kids. We’re off doing things that we would never do as adults. We’re brave and fearless. I think it’s sad really that the only time we truly experience life is when we are little, and then we are too young to realize it. The world and our existence in general will never seem as pure, sweet, or simply as amazing as it does when we are five. We’re just in a hurry to grow up. We want to be old enough to date and drive… and see R-rated movies. We want to be out of school, move out… but then there comes all this responsibility. Life happens, and suddenly you’re older. Things are different. This is my last summer, and that’s really scary for me. I will be a senior in college starting in August… next summer I will be moving out, getting a job… and that really scares me. I want to be a kid again…. Time goes by too quickly.

The movie I saw wasn’t even really about all this…. just got me thinking. I’m still sunburned…. time for more aloe.